You're my path
by aliceeeebeth
Summary: A series of drabbles about TASM 2, and the epic love that is Peter/Gwen.
1. You're My Path

He struggles to tell her.

At first, it's because he's stunned into silence by the prospect of her moving all the way to England. It feels like she's doused him in ice cold water, when two seconds before, being this close to her was burning him up inside (in the best way possible).

And he won't tell her. Not if she thinks for a second it's only in response to what she might be doing.

He becomes too busy to tell her.

Dealing with another super-villain, this one with powers that even he can't compete with (and his mind jumps to Oscorp again, of course it does). He has to save all the people in Times Square, and he can't afford any mistakes right now. Not when the mood of Max hangs right on the balance between stable and crazy.

And he can't tell her then. Not when his limbs are stinging, not when she's staring at him with those eyes that he can never quite read.

His life becomes too insane to tell her.

Harry Osborn, his best pal from childhood, the person that was there for him when nobody else knew what he needed. He was only a child, he couldn't grieve like his Aunt and Uncle were. His best friend is dying, and Spider-man could save him. Or Spider-man could cause even more pain and suffering.

And he doesn't tell her then. Not in that store cupboard, not when she's freaking about Max. But he tries - not with his words, he's never been so good with those (god knows it was sheer luck that the "but those are the best kind" line came to him when it did). He uses his lips for other things, but then life gets in the way. He needs to keep Gwen out of trouble.

He becomes too wrapped up in his past to tell her.

This image of his father, the scientist who was always so vague and so secretive. The scientist who started this research but for whatever reason, ran away from it. And he's always doubted what Dr Connors had said, but hearing it out of his aunt's life... well that just makes it more real.

And he won't tell her then. He builds up to it, of course he does. He rambles on about Harry and vaguely about his father, but as soon as he gets to "the one thing" - he realises where they are. And he bottles it. Even when she's telling him that they're on different paths and that she has to go.

He thinks about himself too much to tell her.

He's just found out this massive secret from his father's life. A truth that could change everything about how he's been living his life, could cause biological weapons to be created in his father's name again, could even be manipulated to save Harry's life.

And he's missed out on his chance to tell her. She got in, of course she did. She got in, and she's on her way right now, and he's never going to see her again.

He knows it's now or never and tells her.

He loves her. He loves her more than he's ever loved anything, more than he will ever love anything. He just forgot for a while. He let her father's death shadow everything, let her father's desire for her safety and his adamance that he wasn't going to be safe for her eclipse his heart and what he wanted, but as soon as he heard her voice on the phone, asking to meet. As soon as he saw her standing there, everything became clear. And yes, everything got crazy for a while, and yes, his father's history is never going to really make sense if he follows her to London, and yes, there are going to be villains here and Harry's going to get sick but none of that matters.

For the first time in a long time, probably since he walked into that classroom and saw her seated there and went against his promise to a dead man for the first time... he's being reckless.

_"You're my path."_


	2. I Can't Live Like This

_"You have done this to me again, and again, Peter."_

The first time it happens is ingrained in her memory. The day after her father's funeral, the day she hoped would never happen. The day that she had been anxious for since the moment she realised what it was he did for a living, when she figured out how dangerous life was and how likely it was that each evening with him, each time she told him she loved him before he left for work, could be the last.

But she had assumed that Peter would be by her side. She looked for him. She called him, and texted him, letting him know the details. She knew that he had been the last person to see her father alive and she expected him to be standing by her, united in their grief.

Instead, she got him telling her that he couldn't do this. And she figured out immediately it was because of the man she had just buried.

_"I can't live like this."_

The second time it happens is when she's not looking where she's going and wanders into the path of a speeding car. Spider-man is there, as he always is in times of need, and she doesn't need to see Peter's face to know what he's thinking. He's realising that she's no more human than her father was, than his uncle was, than his parents were.

She waits patiently for him that night, and as soon as he climbs through her window, she knows what's coming. He tells her that he made a promise to her father, and that he just can't do this.

_"I break up with you."_

The third time it happens, they're standing hand in hand at his uncle's grave. It's been 6 months at this point and she holds his hand tight. As much as she hates it, at least he has someone that understands it. At least she's there for him, like she tried to be when it happened. Like he should've been when it happened to her.

She leans into his shoulder, meaning to be comforting, and he freezes, opens his mouth... and he doesn't even need to say it this time. He can't do this.

_"_I _break up with _you."

They've made it through finals, and graduation, and she's been extra vigilant. She looks both ways before crossing the street, she stays out of the way of dark alleyways. She keeps track on where the police reports are, and avoids where she knows he'll be. Unless he's being Peter, she doesn't want to know. The guy with the mask is just the guy with the mask.

And she's finally relaxed about it. She figures that they've matured enough to be safe, to be comfortable, to be real. But as soon as she sees his face, she knows.

And this time she's the one who can't do this.


	3. I'm Going To England

_"Hi, Peter, it's me."_

She decides to apply immediately after her father's death, desperate to get as far away from all of it as possible. Previously she'd been planning NYU, wanting to stay in the city that she knew and loved. And when she got her boyfriend, the resolve grew even stronger. NYC had everything she wanted in life - prospects for the future, her family, the boy she loved, the excitement of being looked over by a superhero... what more was there?

But when her father died, and Peter & she broke up, and Spider-man was just a constant reminder of both those things... the idea of England seemed so tempting. And it's not like Oxford wasn't a prestigious university, not like her future job applications would be ruined - in fact, they'd probably be strengthened by the experience.

So, without hesitating, she filled in the application and sent it off.

_"I got into Oxford - woohoo!"_

But then she and Peter got back together. From the moment he'd told her he was okay with breaking his promise to her father, saying he accepted that she was at risk anyway, and more than anything gave her the choice to want him or not want him, they were a couple. Like their brief break hadn't happened.

And she couldn't tell him. When they were looking at brochures for NYU together (him photography - the only subject that would be aided by his Spider-man abilities, as long as he didn't break the camera while fighting - and her biochemistry), him rapidly talking about their future together, the things they would experience, even the furniture they would buy for their future apartment... how could she bring him down like that?

Besides, she might not even get in.

_"It's very exciting."_

She purposely pushed it to the back of her mind. Even when they broke up again, and again, and again. It was a reckless thing that she did, but she had to think of the logistics. She had employment here, at Oscorp. And sure, it killed her a little bit every day to walk in to that building, knowing that her father had died on top of it. But she had to believe that people in power could still be good, otherwise what was the point of even existing.

She had family here - her mother, her brothers? They needed her. Her mom was great, she really was. And the strength that they had all shown since their father's passing was admirable. But that didn't change the fact that they couldn't afford the constant flights back and forth to England, especially when she would've wanted to come back for Christmas and Spring Break and even the summer.

Besides, it had been months since she'd applied. She probably hasn't got in.

_"I came by your house a little bit ago and I, um, you weren't there."_

She gets through to the final stage of the application. Out of all the people that applied, it's down to her and this kid. And she's terrified about it. They've sent her a lot more information about what it would entail - molecular medicine, the exact field that she eventually wanted to specialise in. And the scholarship money is more than enough, so she could hand in her notice at Oscorp and never look back.

And it's the fact that she doesn't want to look back that tells her that she needs to let Peter know. Maybe she should've done it in an email, to save herself from the pain of falling for those doe eyes again, the way they look at him, the smile that seems permanently on those lips when she's around. She wouldn't have to see the shock on his face when she tells him, when seconds ago it seemed inevitable that he would kiss her.

But when he runs away from her, determined to save the city from a danger he wasn't even sure existed yet... she's glad she told him to his face.

_"So I'm on my way to the airport right now."_

She goes after him. Of course she does, she needs to know he's alright, she's curious about what's going on and doesn't want to be behind the times, and she still has things she wants to say to him. But she doesn't get to say them, because he's too busy doing his crimefighting thing, too busy saving everyone else to think about her, too focused on Max to even contemplate giving her the resolve she wants or needs from him.

Because breaking up with him isn't enough, not when she knew that he was following her, checking she was still safe. Telling him she wants to be just friends isn't enough, not when it leads to them getting yoghurt and then nearly kissing. Mentioning that she might go to Oxford isn't enough, not when she doesn't know what he thinks about it - or what he even thinks about anything, anymore.

So when he saunters off, the city safe and their conversation seemingly over, she goes home and pores over the brochures for Oxford again.

_"Because there's this early summer class that I found out about and I thought that it would somehow be... easier, I guess, this way?"_

When he kisses her in the closet at Oscorp, everything comes back to the surface. How good kissing him feels, the sparks that he ignites, the butterflies in her stomach, the heat, the passion... And in that moment, she almost feels like throwing in the towel. Let the 14 year old college freshman have the scholarship. She'll go to NYU with Peter, she'll soar across the sky with Spider-man, she'll be around for her family.

But when she walks out of the building, crisis averted, she realises that he still didn't tell her how he feels. In true Peter fashion, he struggled with his words so much that he just kissed her. Even though she told him they were just friends, even though he's not dense and probably figured that she needed to hear him say something.

And her resolve to go to Oxford only increases.

_"I think that maybe it's time to let this go."_

She forces herself to not think about Peter in the interview. She thinks of her other true passion, the other thing that she loves more than life itself: science. And she blows them out of the water. They grin at her as she talks, as she asks questions that only a well rounded, prepared student would ask, and say they hope to see her very soon as she leaves.

But as soon as she's out of the building, she's desperate to know what the one thing he keeps coming back to is. Was it her? Because it's more classic Peter Parker behaviour, getting distracted by his history with his father, or his history with Harry Osborn and what that means for Harry's future or Spider-man's future. He's not a reckless man. The only thing he's reckless with is his body, content to throw it against every surface possible, every villain possible, but his heart? And her? He's content to just walk away when she says they're on different paths, even when she's not sure of it herself.

In the end, it doesn't matter, because as soon as she gets home there's a message for her. She got in.

_"And that's not because I don't love you."_

The next day she goes to see him. She figures that she owes him that much, and it'd be his last chance to tell her what that one thing is, or to tell her what he really thinks. And maybe they can end on good terms, maybe he won't hate her forever. Maybe he'll understand why she's doing it, understand that it's not entirely to do with him, or her father's death, or anything, really. It's for her, her future, her life.

Her decision. She's repeated the mini speech that she wanted to say to him, the thing she wanted to say so that he knew she loved him, and that she always will love him, and she'll never love anyone else quite like she loves him... but it's better this way. He'll be better this way, without the fear of her getting hurt, with one person less to worry about.

But she doesn't get to say it. Because he's not there, and Aunt May isn't either, and she has a flight to catch.

_"It's actually because I do."_

Sitting in the taxi, she stops the tears from falling. She needs her voice to be level and strong and she needs to sound determined. Because this is what she wants. Oxford, England, Molecular medicine... who would choose NY over that? So she dials his number, unsurprised and very glad when she gets voicemail.

She has more to say - she probably could've talked until his voicemail was full, but the tears fill up her eyes and she can't say anymore. She loves him so much that she wouldn't put him through the full extent of her thoughts. She loves him so much that she's not going to make him listen to her crying.

They're just on different paths.

_"So, okay bye."_


	4. The Universe Has Other Ideas

When he was 6, his parents died. But not before they left him with his uncle and aunt. He had 2 days of confusion - why would they leave? Why would they leave and not take him? Why didn't they love him enough? Was it something he did? - contemplating things that were too big for his child mind. And when he found out they had passed, he cried.

And every year, on that day, he goes to the park they used to play in, the building they used to live in, and he just stands in silence. Every year brings new information about the life that they led, the true reasons that they left him, and every year leaves him with new questions and confusions.

But at least he knows that they did love him. They loved him enough to want him to be safe, and they loved him enough to leave him with the best replacement parents he could've asked for.

...

When he was 16, his Uncle Ben died. But not before he left him that voicemail. The one that he listened to on every day that he needed strength and reaffirmation that he was in fact a good person. Peter spent months after his passing blaming himself. There were so many things that he could've done differently on that day, so many circumstances that led to Ben being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And when he wasn't hating himself, he was hating Spider-man. If he'd never gone to Oscorp that day, if he'd never got these powers, then Uncle Ben would probably still be alive.

But those feelings faded. They're still there, in the background, haunting him on his darkest nights, reminding him of the blood that was once on his hands. But he knows that he's saved more lives than he could've without the powers. He's kept families together and stopped bad people from ruining the innocent.

...

When he was just about to turn 17, Captain Stacy died. But not before he made Peter make that promise. The promise that he was unable to keep. He saw the Captain everywhere he went, especially when he was in places that he should be - graduation, prom, after graduation dim sum... it wrecked him.

And he wanted to keep his promise. He wanted to honour the wishes of a dead man.

But his pull to Gwen, his love for Gwen, it was just too strong. He hated himself for it, but somewhere along the way, during the months that they weren't together, he knew what the right thing to do was. It wasn't to push Gwen away, when it probably wasn't making her happy either. It wasn't to have a turbulent relationship where they were constantly on-again off-again. It wasn't to follow her as she went about her summer.

It was to honour _her_ wishes. It was to do what _she _wanted. And, if the way she was kissing him fiercely was any indication... she wanted him. In NYC, in Oxford, wherever she went, there was no force on earth that could stop him.

But the Universe seemed to have other ideas.

...

There's a moment when he wakes up and he forgets.

Sometimes it lasts a second, sometimes it's a minute.

The best mornings are those where it lasts long enough for him to fall asleep.

The worst mornings are those where he wakes up at 3am, remembers, and then has it hit him over and over again as he stares up at the ceiling.

The hours before it happened replay in his mind.

_"I got into Oxford"_

_"It's not because I don't love you, it's actually because I do"_

_"You're my path"_

_"I know how to help you"_

_"Nobody makes my decisions for me"_

_"You wanna fight? Fight me. Let her go"_

_"Peter?"_

_"Peter!"_

And when it gets to the moment it happened, all he can see is her falling. And she doesn't stop falling. She stares up at him with those eyes and he knows that she didn't expect to die. Her eyes trusted him to keep her safe. Her eyes believed that he would save her. And they stay open - as the bits of metal and debris are falling around her, she just keeps looking at him.

The sound of her hitting the floor echoes. He hears it repeatedly, each reverb as if someone is yanking out his heart, squeezing his neck and kicking him in the gut.

Sometimes he thanks God that he didn't see it happen, that there was a bit of metal flying across his vision, that he didn't have the image of her eyes closing forever and her body going limp in his memory. But the sound was enough. The sound was enough to make him sick to his stomach, to ruin him and leave him paralysed.

But when it was happening, when he grabbed the fixed pole, felt the web go taut, heard the sound... he told himself she was okay. He told himself that he hadn't put her in danger, that he had managed to save her life. He repeated _she's okay she's okay she's okay she'sokay shesokayshesokay_ as he jumped down.

_"Hey."_

He can't bear to look anywhere but her face, because he tells himself that she's definitely breathing. She's just unconscious. She's just in shock and she's been through a lot and she needs to get to a hospital but she'll be okay. She'll be fine and they'll go to Oxford together. They'll grow old together and she'll be a scientist and he'll love her every day for as long as he lives, and she'll love him for as long as she lives. And she'll probably live longer than him, because he's stupid and reckless and she's smart and safe.

_"Stay with me."_

And he'll do anything to make this up to her, to apologise for causing her this much pain. He'll work every day, he'll find a job at a local paper and save up to give her everything she ever wanted. They'll fly her family in for Christmas and Thanksgiving and any other holiday, and he'll give her a lab in their house. If that house is in England or in New York or wherever she goes, he doesn't care.

_"Gwen? Gwen, no, please. Please"_

They'll be together forever.

They have to be.

...


	5. The Cost Of Secrets

_"Peter, it's me. Just checking in, letting you know I'm alright. I'll be home as soon as possible, I'll grab the eggs today, but ring me back as soon as you get this."_

_"Peter, it's me again. My shift just finished and I'm on my way. Apparently there's been an accident at the power plant so traffic might be bad, but I'll let you know. Please ring me back?"_

_"Peter, it's me. Please ring me?"_

_"Peter, I got home and... well, I think you should come home as soon as possible."_

_"Peter, please. Not this again. Not now."_

She was working a shift at the hospital when the power went out, and immediately her thoughts went to Peter. He'd barely spoken to her since she'd told him what she knew about his father, only grunting to let her know he was going out. Out where, she had no idea, as per usual.

But when the power came back on, there was still no word from him. She let herself worry for a minute, before getting back to the job at hand. And when her shift ended, she was ushered out by the nurse in charge, a friendly lady who had always put her own family first and understood the need for others to do the same. So she left, got in her car and prayed it wouldn't break down in traffic.

As soon as she got home, she checked the news, and saw that the power outage had had something to do with Spider-Man. What, exactly, nobody really knew. They had vaguely linked it to Oscorp, but when wasn't any crime linked to that company. With a sigh, she hoped that Gwen Stacy would have the sense to get out while she still could - even if Peter claimed they were broken up, she'd seen the photos that still plastered his walls.

She rung Peter again, half watching the news as she did, somehow knowing that Peter was safe. She refused to accept the possibility that he would put himself in danger, but the thought of the extent of his secrecy was always in the back of her mind.

But then the news broke. The general rule was that as soon as the next of kin were alerted, names of the dead could be revealed. And there were a few, mostly caused by car accidents from the lack of lighting, but no one that she knew. Until the name she had never thought she would see.

And that's when she rang Peter again.

And again.

By then she knew it was useless, and she just sat patiently, waiting for him to return.

...

It was pretty much the middle of the night when May heard the upstairs window open. She'd purposely gone in and shut it, knowing that Peter tended to use it as an entrance when he was trying to sneak in unnoticed.

_"Peter?" _She called, already climbing the stairs as fast as her legs could carry her. The door slammed in her face, and she knew without even trying that he had locked it. _"Peter, let me in." _

She had cried for him. The boy who had already lost so much. The boy who had lost nearly everyone he had ever loved or cared about. And this was just another blow. She had hoped it wasn't true, or that it was some other "Gwen Stacy." But she knew that wasn't so. And she rung a close friend of the Stacy family, in order not to bother those that were already grieving, to understand what had happened. No doubt the story would be exaggerated and made into some sort of scandal by various newspapers, so it'd be better to hear from a source she trusted.

_"She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." _She heard. _"Spider-man was doing what Spider-man does and she was caught in the crossfire."_ Her heart sunk. Peter's connection to Spider-man would no doubt make this all a lot worse than it had to be.

Because she knew. She knew that there was a connection that ran deeper than Peter taking photos of the masked crusader. She didn't want to believe, but she knew. And she let it all happen, knowing that when the time was right, Peter would tell her.

The time wasn't now, and she wasn't going to push it. But she knew.

...

She fell asleep against his door, refusing to leave it in case Peter resurfaced. How she managed to fall into slumber with Peter's choking sobs, she has no idea. She supposed that eventually he fell asleep too.

Which is why she practically falls into his room as the door opens. Snapping awake, she lets him help her up (because even when his heart is broken, he's managing not to forget to be a gentleman), before hugging him. He doesn't even resist, just crumbles in her arms, body shaking and barely holding it together.

She tries to remember what helped when the love of her life died in horrible circumstances. And she knows that nothing did. And nothing really will.

...


	6. Denial

He couldn't bring himself to move. It was like every cell in his body was paralysed, like if he held her long enough she would eventually move again, that her body would come back to life and all would be well. Like his own body warmth would somehow, miraculously, keep her alive.

She wasn't gone.

She couldn't be gone.

So even when he heard the sirens, he barely moved. Only briefly did he lean back, grab his mask, and yank it on, but not once did he remove his eyes from her, knowing that the second he did would be the second that she started breathing again.

She wouldn't leave him like this.

She can't have left him like this.

When the cops entered the building, he didn't even look up. He didn't even move, so they had no reason to shoot at him, but he knew where their guns were pointing. He kept his gaze on the love of his life, knowing that she wouldn't want all this drama to bring her back.

She wasn't dead.

She couldn't be dead.

They shouted words at him, but they barely registered. He felt as if his ears were blocked with cotton, his mouth dry as sandpaper, his stomach empty and his heart hollow. So he just numbly let them talk at him, knowing they would eventually come across Harry's unconscious body halfway up the clock tower, and they'd figure out what happened without him having to tell them.

She wouldn't die on him.

She couldn't die on him.

He vaguely became aware of what was happening around him. Apparently the captain was smart enough to realise that removing her from Spider-man would be reckless, especially as it would prevent her from being saved. But he wasn't authoritative enough when the nurses arrived, and they didn't hesitate before loosening his arms.

And that's when he snapped.

_"She's not dead"_ he yelled at them, already trying to shoot his webs at them. But he was clumsy and he couldn't even aim right. She slipped from where she was rested on his lap and hit the floor with a quiet thud. But it still echoed around his brain, and then he started screaming.

Because she was gone.

The police wanted to talk to him, wanted a statement, but told him that they'd have to take off his mask first. And he was so distracted by the body bag, zip slowly being closed, that he almost let them.

Because she had left him.

But eventually his survival instincts kicked in, and he knew that if he revealed himself as her boyfriend, everything would be ruined for her. For her family. For her memories. So he started to run, not trusting his webbing anymore, and barely trusting his Spider powers. If they couldn't save the one thing he had loved more than anything, what was even the point of them?

She was dead.

He kept running, thinking that maybe this was a horrible nightmare. Maybe he'd been knocked out by Electro and everything since then was just a horrible delusion of his subconscious. Maybe if he kept running he would wake up eventually. Maybe if he kept running all would be okay. Maybe if he kept running, he'd be hit by a car and he'd die too. Maybe he would find her again and they'd be together in some sort of afterlife.

She died on him.

And Peter didn't want to deal with that.

Peter couldn't deal with that.

So he just kept running.


End file.
